random (: about me, my life, anything struggling with a lot of things, with life, with myself, ed, selfharming, borderline.... just trying to fix the mess i am... but i'm not really getting to the point...hm... 1st goal weight: 49 (108) 19,3 2nd goal weight: 45 (99,2) 17,7 3rd goal weight: 43 (94,8) 16,9 4th... ? 5th...?....*___*

Ask thinspiring pictures disappearing...how I'm getting thin 30 day challenge :) weightloss The No Junk Food Challenge :) 50 Days Binge FREE Challenge

30 day challenge :)

Day 01: Your stats:

current weight: 49.5 (109.13 -.-) Bmi: 19.5 height: ~ 5’2”

latest measurements: 79 cm 59.5cm 87.5cm, hip bones: 81 arms: left 23 right 23,5 legs: left 48.5 right 48.5 neck ~ 29.5/30cm

Day 02: How tall are you? Do you like your height?

I’m about 5 ft 2 inches. I would love to be taller :’( *_* but well…

Day 3- A picture of your thinspiration. What features do you like about this person?

I actually like a lot of girls. Well I’ll take Mary-Kate Olsen now. I like her character. but let’s look at her appearance.

I love her face. I love her back(her shoulder blades & her spine). I love her thin arms & her skinny legs….

I love her looks, styles…

I love her hair ♥

Day 04: Your greatest fears about weight loss.

That my family (especially my mother) freaks out. And say that I’m too thin & complain about myself to everyone. And that they are sad and hurt.

Day 05: Why do you really want to lose this weight? Are you doing it for you?

I guess I am. Because it’s my who wants to be thin and have a skinny body.a beautiful one. Sure, I’d love them to say: omg, she’s so skinny O_o (: but I do it because I think thin is beautiful & most of the people don’t think it is. I wanna prove everyone wrong. Especially myself. I can do that. I want to be proud of my skinny body♥♥ (: (that’s why)

Day 06: Do you binge? If so, explain why you think you do.

It feels like bingeing every single time I eat. So I can’t really tell. I don’t know why I do. It may be cause of pressure or stress or whatever… I just know that I don’t understand why I’m fucking bingeing/eating all the time/ way too often.

Day 07: Do your parents know you’re trying to lose weight? Do they care?

yes, they know a bit about my problems with eating. But they don’t know how it exactly is etc. My mutter always wants me to eat more etc. and trys to control me. Sometimes my father says I shouldn’t eat this or that etc. It sucks. But I think I have to face that now & fulfil MY dream.

Day 08: Workout routine:

at the moment embarassingly few. sleeping and school…that’s all of my life… want to have something i can push (boxing *_* )

Day 09: Did people ever make comments about your weight in a negative way?

yes, they did -.- when I was smaller my “grandma”(not real one) H. compared me to my aunt and her friend and said something like; compared to them at my age, i was thick (she also said they had been very skinny, but no matter -.-) that was the fucking first time…

later sometimes, my mother told me to be/get too thin etc. but actually most of the people say my body shape was perfect or pretty. i dont understand.they are blind or something…

Day 10: What was the hardest thing you gave up during this “weight loss”?

being a “perfect” nice daughter & sister :’/ -> making the others feel bad maybe…

Day 11: Your favorite thinspo blog and why!

http://starvingandbleeding.tumblr.com/

this one is nice at the moment… but i dont know.there are many ;)

Day 12: What do you normally eat?

there is no normal anymore -.- i eat too much. no matter but too much

Day 13: Are you losing weight in a healthy or unhealthy way?

in both. mostly unhealthy but my body is that fucked up yet, i can’t eat what ordinary people eat when they’re on diet. it would be still too much to lose any weight.

Day 14: What’s your UGW? When you expect to reach it?

I’m not completely sure, I think it’s 40kg (88lbs) and I hope to get there until school starts again (in september) or earlier.♥ but I can’t promise that will be less enough for me…